Last Sunday night in Texas, with my appointment at the Mexican consulate scheduled for the next morning, I struggled to fall asleep. After all this wait with my visa, I wasn’t sure if I still wanted it. I had been in Texas for the previous 2 and a half weeks, and I had been comfortable and happy.
After thinking for a while, I realized (or God gently reminded me) that it doesn’t take me very much time back in the US for self-entitlement to creep back in. To think that I deserve for my clothes to get dry by throwing them in the dryer and taking them out an hour later, all in the comfort of my house. To think that I deserve to have my meals or coffees or prescriptions handed to me thru a drive-thru window so I don’t even have to get out of my car. To think that I deserve air-conditioning at all times in my house and car.
No, I don’t deserve any of that. It may be considered normal in American culture, but thinking that I should have whatever I want, whenever I want it, is honestly disgusting. Yet, there I was, last Sunday night, not wanting to return to Mexico because I thought I deserved an easier and more comfortable life.
To continue the story, I got my visa at the consulate the next Monday morning. In the next few days, I contacted my boss in Mexico about getting back on the work schedule and bought a bus ticket back. I did this to safe-guard myself from chickening-out and staying in Texas. The bus ride back made me anxious and I wished I had stayed in Texas-there was a line of buses miles long and we waited 4 and a half hours at the border.
However, as soon as I got to Saltillo, I was excited. Carlos picked me up at the bus station, and I spent a relaxing weekend seeing him and my friends. In the last week, I’ve remembered that I really like how my clothes smell after they line-dry outside, how putting a little extra time into what I eat and drink makes it taste better, and how the air feels on my skin at night when I lay in bed with my window open.
I will always be an American, and I will always have to fight against that sense of entitlement because I am human. However, I would be remiss to give up my Mexican-dream of a life just because I think I deserve something “better.” Life here in Mexico may not be as comfortable and easy by American standards, but all the extra time and energy that life here takes makes it comfortable and easy just the same.