You could probably name any area of my life right now, and I could tell you that I have absolutely no idea what direction it’s going. I’ve never been this confused, or utterly unsure, about what the future holds. My response to all of it has been pretty bad, and pretty ungrateful.
First, came panic, and trying to make quick plans to fix the situation. God told me to be patient.
Then, came anger, and threatening to give up. God told me to He uses hard things to make me stronger.
After that came sadness, because my expectations weren’t met. God told me He has known my life’s plan since before I was born.
Now, I’m slowly accepting the situation, and because of that, experiencing God’s peace. He is always in the midst of the confusion. In fact, sometimes I feel like He’s there more in the confusion, waving His hands and saying, “Emily, Emily, I’m right here!” until I finally see Him, run to Him, and don’t let go. That’s when I realize I am safe-safe in the hands of a loving God, despite the confusion, the ambiguity, and the all-too-common “I literally have no freaking idea” moments.
And even though I still have a ways to go, I hope this can be my prayer, one of gratefulness:
“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us-and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful man knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.”-Thomas Merton